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Yesterday, I received an email (from a secret society that wants me to be a member) that contained the following:

In major metropolitan areas in the US (Boston, New York, Washington DC, Chicago, Seattle, Portland, San Francisco, and Los Angeles) . . .

That's an interesting list. And it's not a "such as" list. That's the society's list of "major" metropolitan areas in the United States.

Immediately I noticed the lack of Houston (motto: "We're the fourth largest city in the country"), my home town, which happens to be the fourth largest city in the country.

Now, I can understand leaving out Pheonix, whose size (fifth largest) is really just a fluke of nature. It's a lot of old people who live in the desert. The lack of humidity keeps them pretty well preserved, but as soon as the big drought hits, that won't matter. They'll all die, and then it will be the largest ghost town in the world.

Meanwhile, Philadelphia (sixth largest) is pretty "major", both in size and historical importance. I mean, probably half the people who live here can trace their lineage back to Ben Franklin, so probably my secret society should at least show an interest in them.

San Antonio (seventh largest) has to make the list just for their hardcore river walk and Mexican food alone.

Discussion Question: Of the top ten largest U.S. cities, three start with the word "San". Can you name them? Why or why not?

Dallas (ninth largest) on the other hand has lost its usefulness ever since Walker: Texas Ranger stopped production.

There are some other notable omissions as well, especially when one stops to consider Portland (motto: "We might be small, but we are better than you, and we know it"). Portland is a small city. In fact, Portland is only the 31^st largest city in the U.S.

Here is just a handful of the cities that my secret society should have mentioned before getting to Portland:

• Oklahoma City (motto: "Conquered by Laborers!")
• Nashville (motto: "First Line Of Defense From The Canadians")
• Las Vegas (motto: "Gambling, anyone?")
• Louisville (motto: "What happens in Louisville stays in Louisville")
• Denver (motto: "If it's not a mile high, it's not in Denver")
• Milwaukee (motto: "Beer!")

Living in a big country really is fun. All these different states and cities to learn about and visit. Life just wouldn't be the same in Greece.

Labels: geography, secret societies