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On National Public Radio's latest episode of Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me I heard a clever bit about improving literature by... well, I'll just let the originator of this idea explain it:

The first line of almost any story can be improved by making sure the second line is, "And then the murders began."

— Marc Laidlaw (@marc_laidlaw) March 3, 2017

In the episode I heard, Roy Blount Jr. tries it with the opening of Genesis. And the idea is pretty funny.

Tangent: As I write this, I realize now that Roy Blount Jr. is probably not related to Roy Blunt, the Republican US Senator from Missouri.

Try it with the First Lesson for this coming Sunday, and you get a very different outlook on the early church.

Acts 2:42-47

Those who had been baptized devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. And then the murders began.

Labels: humor, NPR

For Immediate Release

OTHER LITURGICAL MINISTIRES OF WASHINGTON NATIONAL CATHEDRAL TO HAVE SIGNIFICANT ROLES AT UPCOMING PRESIDENTIAL INAUGURATION

Mr. Oliphant C. Wigglesworth, Assistant Deputy Director of Communications, Washington National Cathedral, Washington, DC

13 Jan 2017 - Just because the inauguration takes place outside the confines of Washington National Cathedral doesn't mean that the lay people who regularly serve in the liturgies of the Cathedral can't be of assistance.

In addition to the National Cathedral Choir, Washington National Cathedral is very pleased that several other lay liturgical ministries will be taking part in the upcoming presidential inauguration.

The Flower Guild has graciously agreed to provide table decorations for the presidential luncheon. We believe that tasteful floral arrangements, which speak to God's creative power, are an important part of coming together as a nation at this time in our national life.

Members of the cathedral who serve as lectors will be on hand in case anything needs to read aloud, such as the emoluments clause or the rest of the Constitution of the United States.

The Cathedral Vergers have agreed to help the inaugural committee in helping the VIPs on the dais find their way to their seats and to the podium. Based on past experience, none of the vergers expect George W. Bush to follow (LOL).

The Cathedral ushers have volunteered will stand at the back and direct people to the portable toilets.

The Cathedral Acolytes will be prepared with processional candles in case there is a total eclipse of the sun.

Editor's note: in case you are possibly still undecided about the matter, let's clear it up for you: the above is satire and does not represent any kind of official communication from the National Cathedral whatsoever.

Labels: humor

An Advent Hymn

At the end of Pent'cost every knee shall bow
to the god of commerce, and the shopping Tao;
we can wait for liturgy, we won't go to church;
for the perfect gift we now must start the search.

Some would say it's Advent, we would say "who cares"
After Giving Thanks, it's time to browse those wares.
Head we toward our temple, to our golden shrine,
Take your hands away sir; it's not yours, it's mine.

Name him shoppers, name him, with love strong as debt,
You must not count the cost; get what you can get.
Head now we toward Bethl'hem - snowy Christmas Eve!
Magic midnight music, then it's time to leave.

We climbed up the Zion of the shopping mall.
We dined at the food court, Mannon's banquet hall.
Christ had his Black Friday: manger to the cross.
Without Jesus' Advent there is only loss.

(tune: King's Weston)

Labels: humor, hymn

It's Pentecost Eve. Let the wild rumpus start!

This video may need to become an annual tradition.

Labels: humor, Pentecost, web

Things have taken a serious tone here on the blog as of late. Therefore, it seems meet and right to point you to:

The Low Churchman's Guide to the Solemn High Mass

There are new entries since this made the rounds just a couple days ago. I think my favorite is still "Processions".

Labels: Anglicanism, Communion, humor, liturgy